Got this private message from my Blog Catalogue inbox for my Anything Goes blog.
'Hi, my name is Anna. I found your blog interesting.
I have clicked all your advertisements in your blog.
Please do the same for mine.'
For your information Anna, I don't have any ads for that blog!
IF YOU'RE GOING TO SUCKER ME TO CLICK YOUR ADS, AT LEAST MAKE SURE YOU REALLY READ MY BLOG!
BIKIN PANAS!
Day 1
Client: 'Print this exactly as it is, don't change anything from the artwork! I'll collect it tomorrow.'
Me: 'Sure thing, ma'am.'
Day 2
Client (in irritated tone): 'Aiyaaa, the size is wrong!!!'
Me: 'You said don't change anything and furthermore you didn't leave me a mock-up.'
Client: 'Why didn't you call me and tell me the size is wrong???'
Me (in even more irritated tone): 'Hey STUPID! Weren't you the one who said don't touch your artwork at all! Weren't you the one who failed to provide me with a mock-up so I could at least compare the print out?'
YOU EXPECT ME TO READ MINDS, AH?
BIKIN PANAS!
'Chilli crab is Malaysian. Hainanese chicken rice is Malaysian. We have to lay claim to our food,' she lamented.
In the three months, we will identify certain key dishes (to declare as Malaysian).
We have identified laksa ... all types of laksa, nasi lemak and bak kut teh ...
And this brilliant idea is coming from our learned Mister of Tourism, Ng Yen Yen.
Pure genius! Way to go! Bravo!
DON'T YOU CLOWNS IN THE GOVERNMENT HAVE ANYTHING REALLY BETTER TO DO???
BIKIN PANAS!
'Your blog at: http://dream-themes.blogspot.com/ has been identified as a potential spam blog', the email said.
'Your blog will be deleted in 20 days if it isn't reviewed', the email went.
'And your readers will see a warning page during this time', it continued.
'We find spam by using an automated classifier', it went on.
'Automatic spam detection is inherently fuzzy', it explained further.
'And occasionally a blog like yours is flagged incorrectly', it droned.
WELL, WHY DON'T YOU GET YOUR SPAM DETECTION TO WORK A LITTLE BETTER, THEN?
BIKIN PANAS!
A customer walks in.
'Can you print this piece of certificate for me?' He asks.
'Sure, no problem.' I say
'Here you are, sir. That'll be RM7.00, please.' I say
'What? You mean I have to pay for a test print?' He says.
Huh? What? You expected that for free?
Of course you have to pay, you moron!
WHAT DO YOU THINK WE RUN HERE? A CHARITABLE ORGANIZATION?
BIKIN PANAS!
I don't know, maybe you didn't get 'it' last night.
Or maybe you woke up on the wrong side of the bed.
Or maybe you're incensed with someone.
Or maybe you just love being angry on a Monday.
But letting it out on the poor digital printer won't help.
BESIDES, THAT MACHINE COST RM98,000.00, YOU MORON!
BIKIN PANAS!
There I am driving within the speed limit.
And on the slow lane of a 3 lane highway.
And there you come flashing your lights and honking at me.
Did I just mention it was a 3 lane highway? And that I was on the slow lane?
Did I also mention all the other lanes were empty?
So why the heck don't you overtake like a normal human being would do?
JUST BECAUSE YOU DRIVE A FREAKING BMW DOESN'T MEAN YOU OWN THE ROADS!
BIKIN PANAS!
I walk into a pharmacy to get some painkillers for my back.
'Excuse me Miss, do you have any pain killers for backaches?"
She looks at me in this weird way and walks to one of the shelves.
Then she heads back and hands me a plaster, the kind you use on wounds!
Do I look like I have a wound on my back that needs a plaster?
I need pain killers, pills, capsules, liquid form, whatever ...
But most definitely not a plaster for wounds.
AND JUST HOW MANY PEOPLE HAVE YOU PRESCRIBED THE WRONG MEDICATIONS TO?
BIKIN PANAS!
*a rant on behalf of wifey*
She walks to the counter with a bag of chips to pay for them.
The cashier doesn't even look at her and asks her to walk to the other end to weigh the chips.
But the weighing machine is just next to you.
No, she insists on wifey walking to the other end to weigh the chips.
But the freaking weighing machine is just next to you, you moron!
Why the heck are you so lazy?
Wifey takes the chips and flings everything back into the counter in a fit!
SERVES YOU RIGHT! YOU LAZY MORON!
BIKIN PANAS!
I'm only here to install your backdrop.
I'm not the one who did the artwork.
I'm not the one who measured the place.
Neither am I the one who was too cheap to hire a professional designer.
So why the heck are you looking at me as if I'm at fault?
GO SCREAM AT YOUR FREAKING FREELANCE DESIGNER!
BIKIN PANAS!
